Setting boundaries, defining emotions đźŽ
"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously"
– Prentis Hemphill
〰️ Setting boundaries
As the first quarter of 2023 is about to end, I have been highly aware that I have been traveling more this year than any other year. I have seen myself very fortunate to get to live my life going around & do productive work remotely.
One of the nice things about traveling is the self-discovery that comes along with it. You get to observe yourself in different environments. For the first time this month, I tried staying in a hostel. Since then, I learned what things I am okay compromising on when traveling & what I would not.
This easily reminded me of the multiple conversations I have had with people about Boundaries. Instead of changing the environment or saying no, some people would go with the flow. They will say yes to anything but are filled with resentment doing so.
In reality, boundaries are not walls to push people out. They are the lines of knowing for yourself what is okay and what is not okay.
An author I would reference directly after having a conversation about boundaries is Brené Brown. She has talked a lot about vulnerability, shame, and the importance of boundaries. About boundaries, Brown wrote:
"We often think of boundaries as walls that separate us from others, but in reality, boundaries are bridges that allow us to connect more deeply with the people we love."
đź“• Atlas of the Heart
Brené Brown's latest book is about being able to define your emotions. It is a classic coffee-table book that feels like a big dictionary, except this is a dictionary of human emotions.
One of the things that stuck with me since I finished this book a year ago is how she defined stress & overwhelmed. She compared it to the two terms used when she was working as a waitress—in the weeds & being blown.
In the weeds
"In the weeds" refers to a server who is dealing with a lot of tasks and demands, but is still able to handle them individually. In this scenario, you can be asked what you need so things can be delegated/offloaded/re-assigned.
Being blown
On the other hand, "being blown" refers to a server who is completely overwhelmed and unable to comprehend or communicate the specifics of the situation. In this scenario, no one would talk to you, you can step out and take 10 minutes to get some space and regain composure. This reminds me so much of a classic line from a TV show, How I met your mother: "Sometimes three deep breaths can change everything."
Reading the book made me more self-aware. It has helped in making sure I am not controlled by my emotions alone. At the same time, reading about the various emotions in the book has helped me sit down with other people when they share how they feel.
"By setting and communicating clear boundaries, we can protect ourselves from overwhelm and build more fulfilling lives."
– Brené Brown
Ultimately, a good reminder is that we are not defined by our emotions. It is what it is. They are not meant to be numbed down nor used as a master.
"We are not our thoughts or our feelings; we are the observer of them." – Jerry Colonna
🎥 Sharing links
- When talking about Brené Brown, I usually share this video from The Work of the People with my friends for the past 5 years.
- At Symph, we have talked about connecting with people. This OnBeing article on listening is something I have revisited. The author's book "Walking to Listen" is on my reading list.
- I have recently fallen in love with the podcast Masters of Scale. My go-to podcast when I feel like listening to one.
- I have bookmarked this link, in case it ever comes in handy: https://www.sleepinginairports.net/
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